REALITY BITES - In town to perform at the Worcester Centrum Centre, the stars of "American Idol" stayed at Nine Zero and dined at Spire. For a little dude, Clay Aiken has a decent appetite, chowing on the sweet corn chowder with Yukon potatoes, celery root and mahogany clams, and the Grimaud duck breast with chanterelle mushrooms, roasted beets and huckleberries.

Now people are reporting what Clay Aiken is ingesting. This is great. Just great.

Well, I looked in the Constitution of the United States, and unfortunately the word privacy does not appear in the Bill of Rights nor in the remainder of the document.

Apparently this gives people free license to glom on to celebrities and expose every word they utter and move they make.

One of two things had to happen for these asshats to write this report.

1. They had to be close enough to Clay in the restaurant to examine his plate with their disgustingly nosy eyes.

2. They had to bribe someone who works at the restaurant to write down everything Clay ate for dinner and report back to headquarters with the information. Who are they, Lex Luthor?

Ugh. This is all kinds of WRONG, peeps.

Look, if a celebrity is performing or appearing somewhere clearly to promote their career, all bets are off. Fans can yell, scream, applaud and cheer all they want. They can check out the clothes, the hair and the overall appearance. If a fan meets the object of their affection at one of the aforementioned events, they can ask for an autograph or a picture or even a hug. And afterward, they can talk about it all they want. (Can you say First Amendment?) Go ahead, blab the whole story to anyone who will listen. Half the fun of celebrity encounters is the story you get to exaggerate later.

On goofy fan websites, for instance. Not that I know anyone with one of THOSE, mind you.

Celebs give up more than a teeny bit of their anonymity and privacy. It just goes with the territory. They gotta know that going in.

But OH MY GOD this food thing is NOT okay! In my opinion, it crosses the line. Someone should be able to sit down and eat a meal without being ogled and inspected by hungry reporters or their sidekicks. A celebrity�s private life should remain private. SO LEAVE CLAY ALONE!

This type of foolish behavior seems to make Clay uneasy. Here�s a quote from him in Rolling Stone:

�You know what? Please don�t stare at people. You should go sit with those people over there. They like to stare at people, too.�

You tell �em, doll.

I felt compelled to speak my mind on the subject. Or else, what�s next?

BREAKING NEWS - Clay Aiken entered the men�s room at 8:47 pm. He spent approximately 8.6 minutes in the third stall on the left side of the facility. After flushing, Aiken exited the stall and sauntered to the sinks. Three pumps of liquid soap seems to be the preferred amount for the singer, whose rendition of Simon and Garfunkel�s classic �Bridge Over Troubled Water� could be heard as Aiken hummed his way into a thick lather. After rinsing the suds from his hands, Aiken dried them partially under the convenience dryer and finished the job on the legs of his olive green gabardine pants. A quick hair check in the mirror, followed by a wink and a thumbs-up sign rounded out Clay Aiken�s visit to the restroom.

I wouldn�t be surprised.

clay before
clay after


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