We all remember the "You Doh I Don't..." part of "Tell Her About It." I didn't realize it happened until I watched the episode again for the thirty-seventh time. He never lost his cool.

During the Vincident, even when it was obvious that the song was not going as it should, Clay held his head up and finished the song. Hey, unexpected things happen on stage. True artists keep going no matter what, unless someone is bleeding or dying. They don't have temper tantrums and go off on a rant, like I once heard Casey Kasem do on the radio because he didn't like a song segue. Asshat.

Even when Mr. Man Boobs was calling him names and criticizing him, Clay was nothing more than a gentleman. Even his snark was adorable. When he told Simon "Build Me Up Buttercup" was, in fact, a BRITISH song...I wanted to kiss him on the lips! Okay, I want to kiss him on the lips all the time, but go with me on this one.

You will NOT believe what I heard on the radio today.

The local piece of crap Top 40 radio station was giving away a free trip to New York City and tickets to the MTV Music Awards. It was the dumbest contest I've ever heard. The DJs just sat in their smelly old booth and rolled dice until 9 of the 10 contestants were disqualified due to low numbers.

Okay, no. First off, I'm a conspiracy theorist. All I could think was, how do we know those are REALLY the numbers they rolled? Secondly, they were giving away a FREE F'N TRIP TO NYC! At least make the contestants work for the opportunity to go!

Jeez, when they gave away backstage passes to American Idols Live The Clay Aiken Show, they practically made people sign over their first born child for the chance. They interviewed Clay on the radio and asked him all these questions about a "special girl." Questions about hair color and length, eye color, and even a name! The person who fit the exact description won the passes.

But a free trip to NYC is given away with a roll of a die. At least play craps or something. Makes no sense.

So get THIS.

One of the callers trying to win this dice trip was actually waiting in line to audition for American Idol 3 in New York City. The DJs asked her a bunch of questions about the audition process, blah blah blah. She said she had to sleep on the street in line last night and hoped to get in for an audition by 4 pm. Boo dee fricking hoo.

The DJs asked her what she would be singing for her audition. Here's where it gets bad. Really bad.

She couldn't remember the name of the song. If she's this nervous talking on the phone to two second rate DJs from upstate New York, how does she think she will fare in front of MAN BOOBS? She will get eaten alive.

Finally, she remembered what song she was singing.

Disclaimer: I have many friends under the age of 27. However, I consider anyone under the age of 27 to be fodder for my ranting and raving about "kids today" and lectures about the way things were "Back In The Day." If you are under the age of 27 and I know you, please do not take the forthcoming rant personally.

This girl was 23 or 24 years old. I remember listening to her talk and thinking, "Thank GOD she'll be too old to audition for this shiznit next year." She told the DJs that she will be singing a Lee Ann Rimes song.

They asked her if she would be singing "How Do I Live (Without You)."

She replied, "Oh, no. I'm going to sing..."

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"YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE."

Oh, no she didn't. Oh, yes she did.

First of all, kid, that is NOT a Lee Ann F'n Rimes song.

It was sung by DEBBY BOONE! B side - Hasta Manana! And I have the 45 to prove it.

I bet she doesn't even know what a 45 is.

clay before
clay after


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