A man I have never met. A man who doesn�t know I exist. Unless you count the Cleveland show, and I DO, DAMMIT.

The first time I shed tears was the night Ruben was named American Idol. Yep. I did. I�m not ashamed to say, salty discharge escaped my ducts.

And now we have LAST NIGHT. Wanna see what I was crying about?

You�re probably thinking, �HUH?�

Last night the American Idols Live Tour Clay Aiken Show hit the stage in Clay�s hometown of Raleigh, North Carolina.

I watched and read a few interviews from the Albany and Richmond concerts. Clay�s excitement was utterly contagious. He was bouncing on the tour bus seat. BOUNCING, I SAY!

Then I saw THIS STORY.

Yesterday I wrote about the Look What Love Has Done Campaign�s fabulous fundraising efforts. BUT OH MY GOD! $42,000! These women rock. Especially the one who said - into the microphone - that she could never get tired of looking at that Rolling Stone cover. She�s my hero.

As if my obsession wasn�t invasive ENOUGH, I found out that the RBC Arena in Raleigh has this nifty little webcam thingy mounted on the ceiling. Every sixty seconds, the picture is updated.

Refresh, refresh, refresh.

This is how I spent my evening. Watching a Big Brother webcam and chatting with Kelly and Melissa online. I had to keep seeking validation that I wasn�t crazy by emailing friends with questions like, �AM I THE ONLY ONE GLUED TO THIS WEBCAM RIGHT NOW? PLEASE SAY NO.� Or, �I FEEL LIKE I AM 16 AGAIN. AND I AM ACTING LIKE IT, TOO.� Actually, I think I was acting much more immaturely, but I�m giving myself the benefit of the doubt.

I took comfort in the fact that there were probably thousands of people all over the country doing the EXACT same thing as I, so I kept refreshing like a mad woman and shouting OH MY GOD! and THE BLUE LIGHT! THE BLUE LIGHT! and I SEE SMOKE! and WHO IS THAT ON THE SCREEN? and INVISIBLE MUST BE ON! When I say shouting, of course I mean hitting the caps lock with the force of the Incredible Hulk.

I paced through the house, hearing the bling bling of the incoming instant messages, wondering what I might be missing. Oh, yes, I know. I might be missing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. BECAUSE THAT�S WHAT YOU CAN SEE ON THAT FRIGGIN� WEBCAM.

But I didn�t care. I was jumping from webcam to chat room to fan sites, checking for any little crumb of information about this highly anticipated event.

That�s when it happened. I went �round the bend.

The wonderful Lisa posted a report that Clay broke down and cried during his well deserved ovation following �This Is the Night�. OKAAAAY, THAT�S IT. I was a puddle of goop. Clay. Cried. Need I say more?

So I am sitting at the computer, having a giant love fest with Kelly and Melissa in the chatroom, crying like a baby because I�m so thrilled for Clay. (The man I have never met. Who doesn�t know I exist. Unless you count the Cleveland show, and I DO, DAMMIT.) I�m picturing him in the town where he spent practically every moment of his life up to ten months ago, standing on stage and being welcomed home by 15,000 human beings, including the people he loves most in this world - family and friends. I was completely overwhelmed with emotion; I can�t imagine what Clay must have been feeling.

My descent into total lunacy was confirmed after I realized I actually SAVED 50 webcam pictures to my computer. I kept refreshing the webcam long after the concert ended because I was fascinated with the striking of the stage. Yeah, that�s a fancy theater term for take all the shit down and load up the trucks. Thankfully Kelly and Melissa were on hand to yell at me, call me filthy names, and send me links to early concert reports. Awwww. I love you guys! Thanks for snapping me back into reality. Reality...yeah, that�s it.

As much as I enjoyed �attending� the virtual concert in Raleigh, connecting with Kelly and Melissa was the real highlight of the evening. I know lots of people who think it�s weird to chat online. Sometimes it is. However, I�m thankful that technology prevents the distance barrier from allowing me to meet wonderful people like Kelly and Melissa.

Hey, I wonder what�s on that webcam RIGHT NOW...

clay before
clay after


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